Let's be honest, do we all really know how to fight fair? I'll be honest, when I'm hurt and in defense mode, my main goal is to hurt the person just as much as they are or were hurting me. Fighting fair is something I had to learn, and something I constantly have to train myself in mentally. Because if we're being honest, no one likes to feel hurt and to have awful things said to them; and if we're really being honest, no one likes to talk to someone, yet alone, be with someone who aims to hit below the belt.
So here are a few practices my husband and I use to fight fair within our relationship, not only with each other, but with others as well.
1. Excuse Yourself: If you feel like the argument is becoming a little too heated, it's okay to excuse yourself and to walk away. But do so properly. Don't be one of those jerks that just storm out in mid sentence. It should happen in a calm manner. You may not even have anything to say and just need to recollect your thoughts. I personally have to excuse myself and re discuss the issue at a later time.
2. Have an outlet: This is my husband's favorite. Sometimes arguments get so heated, but a fun way to let off steam together is to play a video game together. It lightens up the mood and I'm able to beat the crap out of him in the best 2 out of 3. It's also safer than boxing it out, that I do not recommend. haha. Sometimes you'll even realize you're arguing over something so small and petty.
3. Don't Bring Up the Past: Don't even think about it! Don't bring up anything that you are trying to use as ammo to shut the situation down because it won't. It'll only stray away from the current situation and then you've really surrounded yourself in flames.
4. Show some Empathy: A lot of fights occur because the other's feelings were not acknowledged and no empathy was shown. No I don't mean try to relate their issue to yours. Then you're just talking about yourself. Acknowledge the emotion, restate the problem, and then find a solution. This leads into the next one.
5. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond: We all do it. We pick bits and pieces to get the sum of it or we're listening for keywords, or we get defensive and no longer listen, but want to throw out rebuttals. How can you solve something you don't understand?
6.Ask Questions: Don't be afraid to ask questions. Sometimes people feel like they don't understand something and will just assume rather than ask for clarification. This helps no one.
No one likes to fight about something and then realize they don't even know what they are fighting about. If you're gonna fight, fight for a solution not to create a bigger problem.
And at the end of every argument, hug it out. It's like waving a white flag and the battle is over. It'll also release any built up tension.
I hope this info was helpful friends.
Love & Light,