HERS: What I've Learned in My First Year of Marriage
“It’s easy to have a miserable marriage, it’s a lot of work to have a good healthy marriage.”
My husband and I have known each other for almost a decade, have been together 6+ years prior to officially getting married and all of that was a learning experience in itself. We’ve been through a lot but I think it still holds true that the first year of marriage is the hardest but also the most fulfilling. You learn so much about each other in regards to each person’s individual strengths and weaknesses and where you personally play a part in all of that.
I know we live in an era where divorce is common and almost expected but to us personally, marriage is a lifetime commitment. A commitment to each other and a commitment to God and to have Him as our foundation in our marriage. So for us, divorce is not an option. When times get rough, we’ll be by each other’s side through and through. We will continually love each other at our bests and our worsts. We will continually fight for each other on a daily basis. Our marriage is so much more than a piece of paper.
So when I say I’ve learned a lot, I have learned a lot. But here is the sum of it all:
God has to be the foundation of your marriage. You must pray together with your spouse. You must pray for each other daily. No one knows your spouse like God does and when it seems rough and you don’t know how to love your spouse or do the right thing, ask God to show you.
Marriage is not a fairy-tale, it’s real. You guys won’t be going on romantic dates all the time. You’ll occasionally fight, sometimes over the way the other squeezes the toothpaste out of the tube (which you should squeeze from the bottom not the middle!) You’ll have to speak on real things such as buying a house, having kids, getting a dog, deciding on careers and so much more.
Date nights are still a must. You should consistently be dating your spouse. At least once a week. I’m not saying you have to go out every week. A simple date at home will suffice but just because you’re married doesn’t mean you can’t date and flirt with each other. Our favorite at home date is an intense game (or games) of Uno. And don’t forget to try doing what the other one likes to do too.
Don’t run to everyone else when it comes to your marriage. (Refer back to #1). Honestly not everyone is going to have the best intentions when it comes to your marriage and honestly it’s none of anyone else’s business what goes on in your marriage. Not everything should be shared with others.
In regards to #4, communication is KEY! TALK ABOUT E V E R Y T H I N G with each other! Seriously! Have weekly or even daily check-ins to see where your spouse is at mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically. See what needs to be met and how can each other accomplish them. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you can all of a sudden read the other person’s mind.
Two people in a marriage are not in competition, but are on the same team. We are all just striving to be the best versions of ourselves every single day and rubbing in your spouse’s face that you make more money, you cook better, you are more responsible, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, is not what marriage is all about. If ya’ll are trying to compete with each other refer back to #5.
Ultimately, never forget why you fell in love with each other and choose to get married. I knew Johanthan was the one for me because he continually loves me through my flaws and scars and chooses to fight for me daily. I choose to fight for him daily and am always wanting to cheer him on in everything he does. I wanted to get married to surrender our relationship over to God so that God could do a work through us and our love and marriage. I truly believe we were made for each other and I couldn’t imagine my life without him.
Cheers to one year closer to forever my love!
Love & Light,