Parenting: Disagreeing Over How to Enforce the Rules
Who agrees that parenting is hard? It's probably the hardest thing to do in life. Not only are you responsible for yourself, you are responsible for this tiny human being that looks to you for answers. If it wasn't for you, these tiny little human beings would be tiny psychos running around without a clue. What makes it even harder is when the parents of this tiny human being can't seem to agree on how to enforce the rules.
There is the parent who is all about the rules and the demands. "I am your parent and what I says goes." Then there is the parent who is all about the talking and the relationship with the child. "I am on your side honey, and I want you to understand etc."
So whose method is right? They both are. Parenting is all about compromise. The child needs the rules and the relationship. If they feel comfortable and understood, they'll talk and they'll listen.
I didn't have that with my parents growing up. They were the rules parents. "You do as I say." So I didn't talk to them. I didn't come to them for advice. The relationship part came as I got older. I have so much respect for my parents and for the most part, I listen to them. But now I go to them for advice. I want to hear their opinions. I value what they say. At the end of the day I'm going to do whatever I want regardless, but I keep their advice in mind because I respect our relationship.
I am the relationship parent. Johnathan is the rules parent. We disagree all of the time. But we're working on it. It takes time and a lot of practice raising a tiny human. One thing for sure is that we don't disagree in front of Jordan. We stay united.
We listen and try to understand where Jordan is coming from, then we emphasize the importance of the rules and enforce them. We've learned that Jordan listens to our rules a little more when we talk to her first and try to redirect her behavior.
Children need direction. They need relationship. You don't want to be all talk and no action. They won't respect you. You don't want to be the person who is always barking out demands, they won't come to you for advice or just to talk because they'll feel like they can't. Every child is different. Every parent is different.
So parents, talk to each other. You need each other when raising this tiny human. No one parent is more right than the other. Your child needs both sides.
Love & Light.